So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?
--Christina Aguilera
Building Our Self-Esteem at the Expense of Others
Friday, October 15, 2010
Dumb Ass Quotes
--Christina Aguilera
Building Our Self-Esteem at the Expense of Others
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Formula For A Happy Sex Life: 2Or :Or = O +( NxS) +Cpm/T+He
2Or : Or (Or= Orgasm) is the 2:1 ratio of female orgasms to male. The 2 female climaxes must precede the male's; however, the numerical value of 2 may be increased without suffering a diminution of satisfaction on the part of the female. But note, sometimes a multiplicity of Or beyond the value of 2 again may result in a slight lessening in intensity and length with all other subsequent climaxes beyond 2. Also of import, the numerical value of 1 for male orgasm is not a necessity for attaining female pleasure and in fact may be discarded all together, thus resulting in a nil value. This determination is dependent upon the hormonal cycle of the participant female.
O +(NxS) +Cpm/T+He is the "scientifically proven" formula for happiness developed by psychologist Cliff Arnall. O stands for being outdoors and outdoor activity, which is added to N, representing a connection with nature. Multiplied by S, the pleasure we receive when we socialize with friends and added by Cpm, which is the collective memories of all of our positive childhood experiences, then divided by T, the mean temperature at which an individual feels most comfortable, may be the summertime mean, but dependent on individual geographic location. And lastly, added to He, which is the emotions brought on by holiday excitement, such as Christmas.
Thus, 2Or :Or = O +( NxS) +Cpm/T+He. If the female receives at least 2 climaxes during copulation, then she will experience happiness. This happiness will directly impact her male partner by making her more inclined to engage in further sexual activity with him. This, in turn, should exponentially increase the male's satisfaction in that he will be getting more nookie. With that increased level of nookie comes more opportunity for both the female and the male to experience more orgasms and thus more happiness.
Pass this scientifically proven formula on to all underperforming men.
If your male partner already practices this formula on a regular basis--then get down on your knees and suck his cock because he is a sexual genius and thus a GIANT among men.
O +(NxS) +Cpm/T+He is the "scientifically proven" formula for happiness developed by psychologist Cliff Arnall. O stands for being outdoors and outdoor activity, which is added to N, representing a connection with nature. Multiplied by S, the pleasure we receive when we socialize with friends and added by Cpm, which is the collective memories of all of our positive childhood experiences, then divided by T, the mean temperature at which an individual feels most comfortable, may be the summertime mean, but dependent on individual geographic location. And lastly, added to He, which is the emotions brought on by holiday excitement, such as Christmas.
Thus, 2Or :Or = O +( NxS) +Cpm/T+He. If the female receives at least 2 climaxes during copulation, then she will experience happiness. This happiness will directly impact her male partner by making her more inclined to engage in further sexual activity with him. This, in turn, should exponentially increase the male's satisfaction in that he will be getting more nookie. With that increased level of nookie comes more opportunity for both the female and the male to experience more orgasms and thus more happiness.
Pass this scientifically proven formula on to all underperforming men.
If your male partner already practices this formula on a regular basis--then get down on your knees and suck his cock because he is a sexual genius and thus a GIANT among men.
Dumb Ass Quotes
--Joe TheismannThe word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
Building Our Self-Esteem at the Expense of Others
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Cain and Abel
"Fuck you, you fat-ass bitch!" "You're fuckin friend lies on her timecard, she's stealing from all of us," I screamed. "I want all of my money out of the business."
It was at this point my sister, aka fat-ass bitch ("FAB") heaved her 5'11'' 285 lbs frame at me and grabbed me by my head and started punching, while yelling that she's had enough of me. I, of course, started punching back.
FAB, who has 2 inches and 150 lbs on me, ultimately pinned me with her massive frame, crushing me. She refused to get off of me. As she's laying on top of me she's telling me how "abusive I am" and that she's "not going to take it anymore." Since she refused to get off of me, I defended myself with the only weapon available to me: My Teeth. Her extremely large breasts were literally in my face and practically smothering me, so I bit her right on the boobie and held on like a dog with a bone. FAB responded by punching me 3 times in the face, giving me a black eye, and quickly jumping off of me.
Now, while all of this was going on, our mother, who is the epitome of maternal love and comfort was screeching "Stop it, stop it!" That was the extent of her guidance/interference in the matter of her only children attempting to beat each others brains out. Well, aside from her crying and begging me not to call the police and have FAB arrested for domestic violence, since as even she admitted, it had been FAB who attacked me. I did not call the police. I probably should have.
This is the unfortunate true story of two sisters, both grown women, one a lawyer and the other a doctor, who hate each others guts. On this particular day, we were fighting about an employee of a business that we jointly own. The employee is a very close friend of FAB. This employee has been stealing from the business by intentionally falsifying her timecard (ie., only working a certain number of hours while recording that she worked more hours and thus collecting the extra income), and FAB refused to do anything about it. But the real reason FAB and I are fighting is because FAB is angry that when we were kids our father favored me over her. A father that has now been dead for over 11 years. This is not a story that will probably end well.
The employee still works for the business.
It was at this point my sister, aka fat-ass bitch ("FAB") heaved her 5'11'' 285 lbs frame at me and grabbed me by my head and started punching, while yelling that she's had enough of me. I, of course, started punching back.
FAB, who has 2 inches and 150 lbs on me, ultimately pinned me with her massive frame, crushing me. She refused to get off of me. As she's laying on top of me she's telling me how "abusive I am" and that she's "not going to take it anymore." Since she refused to get off of me, I defended myself with the only weapon available to me: My Teeth. Her extremely large breasts were literally in my face and practically smothering me, so I bit her right on the boobie and held on like a dog with a bone. FAB responded by punching me 3 times in the face, giving me a black eye, and quickly jumping off of me.
Now, while all of this was going on, our mother, who is the epitome of maternal love and comfort was screeching "Stop it, stop it!" That was the extent of her guidance/interference in the matter of her only children attempting to beat each others brains out. Well, aside from her crying and begging me not to call the police and have FAB arrested for domestic violence, since as even she admitted, it had been FAB who attacked me. I did not call the police. I probably should have.
This is the unfortunate true story of two sisters, both grown women, one a lawyer and the other a doctor, who hate each others guts. On this particular day, we were fighting about an employee of a business that we jointly own. The employee is a very close friend of FAB. This employee has been stealing from the business by intentionally falsifying her timecard (ie., only working a certain number of hours while recording that she worked more hours and thus collecting the extra income), and FAB refused to do anything about it. But the real reason FAB and I are fighting is because FAB is angry that when we were kids our father favored me over her. A father that has now been dead for over 11 years. This is not a story that will probably end well.
The employee still works for the business.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
My Role Model--Granny AKA Grandma Moses
Granny was the matriarch of her family, no one did anything without Granny knowing about it and/or approving of it. Even when family members attempted to do something against Granny's will, Granny always found out and straightened them out, usually with a good kick to their backside. Granny was the family intellectual. She was like an Ozark Socrates, with a quick wit and oodles of common sense wisdom. Granny would tell you like it is, not how you would like it to be. Granny was hot tempered and quick to defend her kin folk because if your own family ain't on your side, who the hell else will be. Granny did what she liked, wore what she liked and said what she liked and if you didn't like it then that was just too damn bad for you. Most importantly Granny was loved and respected by her family. I want to be like Granny.
Dumb Ass Quotes
--Paris HiltonI'm very intelligent. I'm capable of doing everything put to me. I've launched a perfume and want my own hotel chain. I'm living proof blondes are not stupid.
Dumb Ass Quotes....Building Our Self-Esteem at the Expense of Others
Monday, October 11, 2010
Dumb Ass Quotes
Rock is really about dick and testosterone. I go and see a band, I want to f@#k the guy - that's the way it is. It's always been that way.
--Courtney Love
The Root of My Angst
I want to scream at the top of my lungs that I AM DONE! I am done minding my p's and q's. I am done feeling guilty for shit I do and shit I don't do. I am done playing nice. I am going to pick my toys up and go home. I am now going to indulge my narcissistic side and for the first time in my life, publicly vent my thoughts and feelings. That's right...hold on to your pannies...I am unshackling my self-imposed chastity belt and unleashing my inner self onto an unsuspecting world.
I have spent my whole life trying to always do the "right thing." There are a multitude of reasons for my futile attempts at perfection. All reasons range from fucked-up parents who didn't love me like they should have to my own ingrained personality proscribed by my DNA code (note that the DNA code is inherited from parents and thus, their fault again). And every other reason in between. But no more. I will use this blog as a cathartic confessional. A kind of purge for my extremely up-tight and repressed Puritanical self. An opportunity to finally be heard. A chance to not be ignored. The potential prospect of finally ridding myself of unnecessary guilt and shame. Wish me luck.
I have spent my whole life trying to always do the "right thing." There are a multitude of reasons for my futile attempts at perfection. All reasons range from fucked-up parents who didn't love me like they should have to my own ingrained personality proscribed by my DNA code (note that the DNA code is inherited from parents and thus, their fault again). And every other reason in between. But no more. I will use this blog as a cathartic confessional. A kind of purge for my extremely up-tight and repressed Puritanical self. An opportunity to finally be heard. A chance to not be ignored. The potential prospect of finally ridding myself of unnecessary guilt and shame. Wish me luck.
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