Dumb Ass Quotes

Model Linda Evangelista

I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to

                            --Linda Evangelista

Building Our Self-Esteem At The Expense Of Others

Bad Day

I am having a very bad day.  This makes me sad.  Which in turn makes me mad. 

I have lots of bad days. I don't know why.  Oh wait...yea, I kinda do. I think it's a combination of circumstances beyond my control and my own pity party tendencies, coupled with my neurotic attempts to control everything and anything.




An Accurate Representation of My Career

 

The result is that I start to feel like I'm losing my mind.



Losing My Mind


 When I'm having a very bad day, a darkness envelopes me that I can't shake.  Kinda like the dark passenger in the Dexter series, only without the serial homicides.  However, I must admit, that given the right set of circumstances, Dexter's way of relieving stress may be a viable option for me.

However, days like this usually tend to make me want to throw-in the towel.  A catalogue of various options then begins to flow through my mind.

Option #1



Option #2



Option #3



But then I look at my beautiful babies and I feel rejuvenated.



My Beautiful Babies

Inspired, I now look for ways to rid myself of the darkness.

I live to fight another day!

Me, Kicking the Shit Out of Adversity

Now, Where's My Glass of Wine?! 

HAVE A HAPPY DAY!!!

Superhero Origins of Super Miss G

The Phenomenal and Supernatural Superhero Origins of an Extraordinary 5 Year Old Girl

SUPER MISS G:  Disguised as an ordinary Kindergartner

Portraying a mild mannered ordinary Kindergartner by day, Super Miss G is anything but ordinary.

Super Miss G was born in Canada to a wolf family who loved her very much.  Her wolf family taught her hunting and survival skills, it was from them that she derived her superhero powers.  Miss G gains super human strength from the beautiful colors of Pink and Purple.  Miss G possess the amazing powers of deduction that allows her to understand subtle nuances in speech that adults often use while feebly attempting to trick the average child.  Miss G is also well versed in the powers of mind control and the martial arts, with an emphasis on the utilization of her "extra cuteness," which she applies purely for the purposes of snuffing out evil.

The Evil Lady Gaga

Super Miss G lived with her loving Canadian wolf family until a day came in which their peaceful serenity was shattered.  A mistress of evil appeared one day in the middle of the Canadian wilderness.  This mistress of evil's name is:  Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga mercilessly murdered her innocent Canadian wolf family with poison arrows. Super Miss G, then orphaned, hiked all the way from Canada to California, where she met up with me, The Elk, my husband Big Daddy and our three other children: The Mole Sniper, Cap'n Hindsight and The General.  It was our family who adopted her as our own. Since the time of the adoption, Miss G has renounced her Canadian citizenship and became an American.  But Super Miss G has never forgotten the love she has for her wolf family and vows vengeance against Lady Gaga.  Hence, Super Miss G will not rest until her arch nemesis, the evil Lady Gaga, is vanquished and the world is made safe for wolves and kindergartners.


Stay tuned for the next episode in which Super Miss G will confront her arch nemesis in: 

Super Miss G vs. Lady Gaga

Dumb Ass Quotes

Endless Source of Dumb Quotes

As a kid when I was growing up, I remember vividly being on the roof of my family's station wagon, and across the street was the Sahara Desert. I always wanted to see other places and learn about how other people lived. I began to travel and saw different cultures even within America.

                                                            --Tom Cruise

  Building Our Self-Esteem At The Expense Of Others

You Have Failed As A Parent If...

In this age of parental permissiveness, it's time for a reality check that even Dr. Spock would agree with:

• If your daughter walks out the front door with make-up on so thick she could substitute for Bozo the Clown at a circus...You have failed as a parent

• If your daughter believes stripping is a real viable career option...You have failed as a parent

• If your son regularly refers to girls and women as bitches and hos...You have failed as a parent

• If strangers can't tell the difference between your 14 year old daughter and a street walker...You have failed as a parent

• If the terms "my baby's mama" or "my baby's daddy" is utilized in your home by your children...You have failed as a parent

• If you smoke dope with your children...You have failed as a parent

• If you think it's acceptable to allow your 15 year old son or daughter to have their significant other sleep over in their bedroom...You have failed as a parent

• If you regularly 'party' with your kids and their friends...You have failed as a parent

• If your daughter believes that pole dancing should be a choice for P.E....You have failed as a parent

• If your children refer to your current spouse as uncle/aunt, cousin and step-parent...You have failed as a parent

• If you ever date your child's former or current significant other...You have failed as a parent

• If the police know your children by their first names (and they're not related nor are they family friends)...You have failed as a parent

• If your tween or younger children understand the reference to "Debbie Does Dallas"...You have failed as a parent

Spreading Enlightenment and Guilt in One Fell Swoop--That's What I Do.  You're Welcome.

San Francisco Board of Burgermeisters Meisterburgers

CALL TO ACTION

         UNITE TO STOP TOY BAN TYRANNY

The Grinch couldn't steal Christmas--although he tried very hard.

The San Francisco Board of Burgermeisters Meisterburgers are trying to steal the toys out of kids' Happy Meals. 

On November 2nd, San Francisco Board of Burgermeisters Meisterburgers passed a city ordinance banning toy giveaways in Happy Meals and similar fast-foods that lack the requisite nutritional value.

"Toys are hereby declared illegal, immoral, unlawful AND anyone found with a toy in his possession will be placed under arrest and thrown in the dungeon. No kidding!"

 However, San Francisco's Mayor Gavin Newsom, in an act of enlightened governing, vetoed the ban and declared, "...what's next, Cap'n Crunch...Tony the Tiger?"  Now the Board of Burgermeisters are threatening to override the veto.

Well, I say, 'hands off my Happy Meal!'  And 'stay the hell away from my Count Chocula and Lucky Charms!'  Tony the Tiger is an icon from my generation--manhandle him and thousands of Gen Xers will scream out in unison.  'Where will this madness stop?'

"Poor, misguided folks. They missed the whole point. Lot's of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn't a Happy Meal toy take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn't a smile on a child when he/she opens up their Happy Meal and finds a toy scratch out a tear cried on a sadder day..?"

A Happy Meal without a toy, is no longer a 'Happy' Meal, it's just a regular old meal.  Hence, the Board wants to steal happiness from children.  Just like Ebeneezer Scrooge.  Well, I say, 'Bahumbug' to them.  I will not be silenced by the food police.  Like any other good mom, I know the value of a good bribe when my child is inconsolable.  Cookies, ice cream, toys, etc...whatever it takes to keep them from screaming.  I'm all for it.

"Watch out for that dolly. She's a hardened criminal, I hear."

Contact these morons at:  http://www.sfbos.org/  SF Board of Burgermeisters Meisterburgers, and tell them that if they ban Happy Meal toys, you, in an act of civil disobedience, will purposefully increase your carbon footprint for one whole day and drop your screaming kid off at their office.

"You are obviously a nonconformist and a rebel!" 

                                                                                'Yes, yes I am.'